Your Thoughts Can Be Your Worst Enemy

What if the thing I’ve been overthinking is what I actually think it is.

But what if it isn’t?

And why the hell am I thinking about it so much?

I dont want to down play what I’m feeling but at the same time I dont want to cause an argument .

I’m trying to stay vigiliant.

Just keeping my eyes open to things I may not be able to see because of wonderful circumstances.

But what if in the process I do real damage.

So many things have made me this way and its the most unattractive way a person can be.

But I just can’t help myself. Is it true? Is it not true?

I can’t let what has happened before happen again. I mean that was the whole reason I went through it all. Learn from it and prevent it from happening again.

 

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Maybe

 

We’re living in a fantasy world

yes its true.

people can not be that cruel

for every evil, there’s a love

therefore we do not need what is up above

we can save ourselves by ourselves.

Tv, will give us real life situations and we’ll think they’re answers to our real life problems

instagram will tell us to be hotter or skinnier

so we eat air and crowd our face with with colorful acne boosters

that’s how we save ourselves.

But see that only works but so much.

deep down will be this depression, oppression and suppression

deep down we will feel hindered from true happiness. peace and joy.

And thats when we should realize that the world really IS that cruel

and our people are not really that true.

yea, in this flat world, there is a lot of love,

but we actually do need Him to save us, Him up above.

maybe you live in a fantasy world, but I don’t.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Love The Maddnesss 

They do bad things for money,  yet you extend your home to them. 

Their little ones don’t come from your womb,  you do them a favor

They cuss you out,  steal your personal belongings,  and yet you extend your house hold

You love the madness 

You with 3 little ones against 3 heart killers 

Everyday something new,  new heartbreak,  new name calling but yet you extend your house hold 

You love the maddness

There was a death scare then a betrayal right after.  4 hours of being afraid and sadness and 12 more hours of rage and anger and  deceit. 

Still you extend your household,  you love the Maddnesss. 

You  love the Maddnesss because if you didn’t,  you wouldn’t extend your home to name callers and slanderers .  thieves and liars.  Deceivers and other family members. 

If you don’t mind stretching out your lungs to the fullest everytime one of the people get mad then OK.  Sure.  Extend your home.  You don’t mind it,  you love it. 

If you don’t mind getting blamed for things of the past day after day for weeks on end then OK.  Sure. Extend your home. You don’t mind it,  you love it. 

If you don’t mind crying yourself dry whenever one of those people gets a negative answer from you then OK.  Sure.  Extend your home you don’t mind it you love it. 

Just know that when  you’re actually over the situation and you’re actually done with the wackiness that I’ll never know because I know you love the maddness. 

Kill My Darling 

He had been drinking too much. He thought he’d celebrate because the campaign he had been working on the past 2 years had actually won! Dwayne, The Rock, Johnson was finally president of the United States. 

Let’s be honest, The rock didn’t win fair and square, He dug up some dirt on the other candidate and that’s the real reason he won.

The other candidate had A dirty past. We won’t get into the details of that but let’s just say if anybody knew that HE knew he would be dead. 

This was one of my husbands biggest accomplishments and I was so excited for him. We’ve been celebrating on a cruise in the Bahamas. One night I go out into the pool  while my husband is taking a shower in our room and a tall white man in an all black suit pulled me over to the side.  He asked me if I had been married. He asked me if I loved him. He asked me if I knew anything about the other candidate. He asked me if my husband knew. He also is wearing dark black sunglasses and after each question he asked me his eyes scanned my eyes and somehow he could tell I was lying. He pulled a gun out and asked me if I knew anything about the candidate once again I told him no . And once again he asked me if my husband knew about the other candidate and then I told him no again. He told me that he knew I was lying and asked me for my life or my husband’s life. I told him I was pregnant but he shouldn’t kill my husband either. But he killed my darling anyway.

Do You Like Me Yet?

With every Photo I post, I make sure I look my best for you. There’s a bunch of other girls that look like they have it all together but me, I’m not so sure. I still make do with what I do have. I’m here so I can be noticed, so that I can somehow build my self-esteem. Without realizing it I compare myself to other girls that are here. Trying to be the level of beauty that they are knowing that I’ll never be. All the while I’m still trying to impress you and you’re not even real a person. You’re just Instagram. You’re just an app on millions of people’s phones that take up time and Advertise a false beautiful lifestyle and with knowledge of this I still try to impress you and or all the people that use you. Well not anymore. I’m going to use you as a networking tool. I know that I’m pretty and I know that I’m worth much more than 1 million likes but hey that would be nice actually. So hey if you’re still reading this go ahead and follow my Instagram below. 

Insta

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YouTube

What Will One Do For Money

One day my mom and I walked up a 3 mile Hill to get to a clothing store. We took my 10-year-old sister along for her to get an outfit for chorus for her chorus concert the next day. She has been practicing her songs every day for a week and now it’s time to buy the clothes. We get into the run down store and head straight to the dressing rooms. my sister picks out tons of different types of white shirts and black bottoms.

My mother and I noticed that she’s taking a little too long in the dressing room. We figured she was just admiring herself in the mirror. After about 10 minutes of waiting we call to her and we get no answer. Finally we open the dressing room door and my sister has disappeared. We make an announcement throughout the entire store and still no sign of my sister.  

All night long I had been searching for my sister calling her name getting neighbors to help me look for her. My mother had made good friends with one of the local sheriffs. We got a search party for her.  

Weeks go by even months and I’m grieving a bunch. My mother never once asked me how I’m doing and I never once see her shed one tear. Somehow we afford a new car and a new house in a new neighborhood. My mother is able to buy me all these designer clothes in bags and even household items. On weekends her and the sheriff vacation in Miami. 

Still my sister is nowhere to be found. 

I take a ride in an Uber to the old run down store and I stand in the same dressing room my sister was in. I noticed that in the middle of the floor the carpet is uneven so I pull it up and there’s a hole. I look down the hole and all I see is blackness. As I sit back up a tight grip pulls me in and I’m able to let myself back up.

Somehow my sister got kidnapped.

I overheard a conversation in my mother’s bedroom with the sheriff about when we’re supposed to get our next check.

And then it all made sense.

My sister disappears, my mother gains a sheriff boyfriend, and we gain a new Mercedes and a nicer house. We gain a fortune.

I confront my mother about it and she told me that she made a deal.

The sheriff is only a sheriff to cover up what he really does for a living. Sheriff Cooper is a sex slave owner.

She told me it was for the best and when I rather have everything that I’ve always wanted.

My sister disappeared and now has to give her body to any and every man so that me and my mother can live well. I’d rather be homeless if it meant seeing my sister again.

What am I ?

A loaf of bread ?

A security blanket?

An obligation?

A waste of space?

A slob ?

While i actually jump through hoops on a moments notice You praise the actual slob.

i am ok.

No really, i’m fine. Thanks for asking.

It wasn’t hard at all fitting my 6ft self through that tiny hoop.

i am a little burned but the scars won’t fade away.

i am not as important as i thought.

i definitely know who You are.

And so do You.

i am not much with my presence but God forbid I don’t set foot back in, I’m like your morphine that you need to stay sane.

I’m the one who literally makes it possible for you to go away.

Only then am I your want, your burning desire, your diamond.

Besides that

i am your doormat

Walk all over me

As You please

But You see

i just might leave

And throwaway the key

Only then will You see

How much i should mean

To You

I Dont Write Anymore

It all started in my 7th grade English class. My Teachr Mrs. Darge gave us a passage to read and it was so trippy!! The 5 paragraph passage made my skin crawl and gave me chills. I was so in love with it I thought to myself, “hey, I want to write something like that and make people feel the way I’m feeling!” So I did that night I went home and tried to write something similar to it and I did. 

I used to write about two or three scripts a year. Yes movies. I would have beautiful ideas for movies and I would hand write them in my school spiral notebooks. I did a few months online at The Academy Of Art University for my BFA and yea I failed . Not only that, I have to pay back a lot on my student loans for something I didn’t even complete. But life is life . 
So as you all know by the title, I don’t write anymore. And that freaking sucks! It’s not because I choose not too, but because I don’t have anymore awesome ideas. I certainly don’t really have any inspiration. But I do have all the time on my hands. I don’t know how I would write so much in Highschool. Highschool was so hard for me but I would some how be writing scripts in the midst of all the chaos.  

I have a strong love for music. Sometimes I would hear a song and become so obsessed with it that I would begin forming a plot line to movie based off that song. That would happen quite a lot and I would say that’s a unique way to write a script wouldn’t you? But I just can’t. Earlier this year I started a script and I remember everything it was going to be about and the plot and all that I just have no motivation to write whatsoever. And it sucks cause I really miss writing . It’s been like 10 months and I still have writers block.

Here are some pictures of me when I was in 8th grade!!

Unique peace sign right? Don’t ask. I wasn’t in a gang I promise. I just thought it was cool and different.

Before baby hair slaying was a thing.Miley Cyrus had made it a trend back then for the peace sign and I sadly followed.omg. I can’t even.So I took this picture and tried to make it look like someone else did. Classic Cheyenne just classic. And I made that pillow.Again with that peace sign.Ooh girl! Eyebrows on fleek! (She said sarcastically ) That dang peace sign.  Updated picture of me below!

I took this selfie last week. I had my hair up in a little bun and when I took it out it looked like this.

My lovelies, I’m going to need advice from you this time around. What can I do to get out of this writers rut?! Any answers? Please help a sista out! 

If you would like to know some titles to my scripts let me know I’d be happy to share them! 

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