Your Thoughts Can Be Your Worst Enemy

What if the thing I’ve been overthinking is what I actually think it is.

But what if it isn’t?

And why the hell am I thinking about it so much?

I dont want to down play what I’m feeling but at the same time I dont want to cause an argument .

I’m trying to stay vigiliant.

Just keeping my eyes open to things I may not be able to see because of wonderful circumstances.

But what if in the process I do real damage.

So many things have made me this way and its the most unattractive way a person can be.

But I just can’t help myself. Is it true? Is it not true?

I can’t let what has happened before happen again. I mean that was the whole reason I went through it all. Learn from it and prevent it from happening again.

 

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Baby Came Home (Part One)

Cigarette smoke clouded the black and white room as Ben sat in his desk chair. He planted it toward the middle of the living room facing the front door.  Liza had been in Miami with her girlfriends just for the weekend. So Ben thought. It was already Wednesday and there hadn’t even been a kissie face emoji sent to Ben’s phone from his girlfriend of two years. By the looks of instagram he had a slight feeling that Liza was well. But What about the two of them?  Ben was about to find out that the love of his life would soon be the next one to break his heart.

As a key slammed into the lock, Ben sat there sliding off the leather chair, opening and closing the black velvet ring box he was going to surprise Liza with.

Liza busted open the front door and rushed to the back room.

Ben was still staring at the half-opened door, wondering if he had been invisible. He tried to come up with some reason why she could be mad at him but he couldn’t come up with anything. Maybe the fact that he was wearing a dirty white beater and the apartment looked like a tornado ran through it. But how would she know? They hadn’t face timed in almost a week.  Running out of reasons, Ben rose up and peaked outside the door to see no suitcases or luggage  that should have been there,  given the fact that she just came back from a vacation. Odd. He thought. Gradually making his way into the back room he could hear Liza shuffling around and rummaging through drawers.

“Baby what’s going on?” He said softly, unsure he really wanted to know the answer.

She said nothing.

Ben walked closer to her and gently placed his hand on her back. He could smell the apple frutcis shampoo in her hair that she always used. He missed that smell so much. He missed her so much.

“Liza can we talk?” Ben tried again but she cut him off.

“Benjamin”, she sighed. “Leave me alone”.

He stood there frozen. Was she really leaving him? After two years of more ups than downs? After all the things they had seen and experienced together? But why? His eyes were glossy and drooped down almost as low as the corners of his lips. And then he snapped out of it.

“Liza! why are you putting your things into these bags? Where are you going? Where are the bags you took with you to Miami? You just gonna pick up and leave and not talk to me? like I’m no one? Did you find someone else? Did someone tell you something about me? I’m pretty sure it’s not true. Liza please just talk to me before you walk out of this apartment , our apartment. Tell me what I did. Tell me what I can do to make it right”. The words were spilling out of his mouth so fast, he hadn’t realized how many questions he just asked.

“Nothing. I’m leaving this town”. She said dryly as she paused with her back still facing him, looking at the room as if it were some disgusting habitat that she wanted no part of. “I need some time to explore”. Making absolutely no eye contact with Ben, she got up grabbed her bags and left the apartment. Ben followed close behind her and said nothing. So many things he wanted to say flew into his mind and crashed the part of his brain that made him speak.

Liza disappeared into the flickering hallway that led to the elevator. Never looking back.

Ben stood leaning out of the doorway holding the ring box with two fingers, aimlessly watching Liza fade away.

 

 

 

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Maybe

 

We’re living in a fantasy world

yes its true.

people can not be that cruel

for every evil, there’s a love

therefore we do not need what is up above

we can save ourselves by ourselves.

Tv, will give us real life situations and we’ll think they’re answers to our real life problems

instagram will tell us to be hotter or skinnier

so we eat air and crowd our face with with colorful acne boosters

that’s how we save ourselves.

But see that only works but so much.

deep down will be this depression, oppression and suppression

deep down we will feel hindered from true happiness. peace and joy.

And thats when we should realize that the world really IS that cruel

and our people are not really that true.

yea, in this flat world, there is a lot of love,

but we actually do need Him to save us, Him up above.

maybe you live in a fantasy world, but I don’t.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Words Left Unsaid

While you’re sitting on your bed, gazing for miles at nothing, thinking about how you feel about your one true love, he is actually  blowing your phone up like hell.

He doesn’t know what is was that set you off during your disagreement last night.

But answer me this.

What is there to gain by not telling him how you felt when he stormed out of the over crowded grocery store last night?

If anything he’ll do it again and think you’re ok with it. Or worse, he’ll think you don’t care.

Then, as the cherries begin to blossom, you’ll wonder why the daily bouquet of flowers stopped arriving at your desk at the firm.

You’ll start to notice how many friday nights he spends with his sexist group of guys and how he hasn’t asked you on a date in over 30 days.

Your days will become crowded with unpleasing and unnecessary  tasks that you begin around your cold and lonely studio. You have to do something to fill all the time that you now have. So why not scrub the kitchen floor with your ghost boyfriends tooth brush with sad country music playing in the background?

When you leave things left unsaid the worst is yet to come.

And the best is yet to leave.

 

 

If you have questions in regards of your relationship and would like them answered, please email me askchy@yahoo.com

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check out my youtube video I did for this article and be sure to let me know your from WP!!

Why Worry

Why do I worry about what people think so much?

Why did I hesitate to wear a wig to a wedding? (Because I had seen the guests before hand and I didn’t want to weird them out)

But why do I care if I weird people out? who’s to say that’ll even happen?

If I want to do something why don’t I Just do it?

What is it about other people whom I don’t even know that makes me care about their opinions?

why seek approval from complete strangers?

I guess I’m just afraid of looking like a joke.

But I’m pretty sure no one is going to look at me as a joke. Except for me. Which is twisted.

Why am I my worst enemy?

How do I not love my own skin that I am in?

What happened to the confident elementry school girl who rose her hand for every answer in class even when they were wrong?

That girl got made fun of for having a flat chest once she hit 7th grade.

That girl was told by a fellow classmate that the acne on her face looked like several different worlds and planets on her face.

That girl started staying in the shadows trying hard not to be seen like an abused kid making little to no movement the abuser was around.

So why worry?

So the abuse won’t srart again.

 

High Quality Clothes

A lot of us lovelies don’t realize it but we are constantly buying the same expensive garments .  Reason being that they were poor fabric choices, or you just didn’t take the proper care of them.

We got to stop overpaying for complete bull!!!!! Omg I can not stress this enough. never buy anything that is 100% cotton. It will surely shrink and you’ll have to buy it all over again and that is just ridiculous18096204_301026843663103_1790358792374845440_n

Its not that bad to buy imitating fabrics because lets face it, who really has that much money to buy something 100% silk? Maybe a select few but on the real most people will just buy polyester. Therefore Do not overpay for polyester when the garment is poor quality. You might as just pay the extra dime and get the silk one and have a longer lasting garment.

lastly, beware of loose seams and stitching. These are huge red flags and your garment is bound to unravel at some point. Also whoever sowed the item rushed and you shouldn’t pay good money for horribly made clothes. Another sign the clothes were poorly made is when the seams are super long, this mean the sower ran fabric hella fast through the machine. you want to look for french seams and tight stitching. You”ll want to slightly pull the garment apart to see how tight the stiching is.

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I hope this helped you! let me know in the comments! Also check out the video I made for YouTube

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How To Find Your Style

For a long time I wasn’t really confident in how I looked and just recently I realized that I I didn’t have a set style of clothing in my house.

Thing is,  I also just realized that I didn’t need a set style either. My style is eclectic, meaning I like to mix a bunch of different styles and mix it into one. Or just dress really prissy one day, and then straight like a tom boy the next day.

Being that I’m broke though, my current wardrobe will not show for it.

 

 

check out my YOU-TUBE VIDEO  I did on this also! I hope you guys enjoy it and please be sure to like and subscribe! I’m posting a new video tomorrow!!

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this is my favorite look of all time from sydney carlson 17266048_750034515165603_347431934776836096_n17334228_742365965924913_5963483174766903296_n

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Time Doesn’t Love You

screenshot_2017-01-04-15-05-512And as you stand there, on the cold tile floor looking at your immaculate reflection in the misty mirror,  I see your smile slowly start to dissappear as your reflection becomes more clear.

I know what you are thinking.  Another birthday has gone by,  you won’t look as good as me.

Baby I don’t care. The way you smell rocks my world. That’s what attracted me to you in the first place. Had I seen you in my human life I would have admired your perfect jaw line and bone structure. Or maybe the way your curly chocolate hair lays on your broad shoulders.  Oh I could go on.  My point is,  all i am really attracted to,  besides your wonderful personality of course is your scent. Of course, if I turn you,  there will be no reason to love you.

I’m tired of seeing perfect looking 200year Olds.  I think crows feet at the corners of the eyes are super hot.  I want you to have wrinkles.

Can’t you see? Time isn’t on your side baby but I am.

I will never leave you. Your human life is something that is so beautiful and sweet to me. I cherish it. You are literally my human other half.  You’re everything I am not. If you think I will be come less attracted to you as the decades go by then think again. I can’t wait to be by your side when life throws you lemons. All I have to do is Suck the sour juice out and your pain is forever gone. So,  for me baby,  please don’t make me turn you.

The Battle In My Mind

message_14783493888352Billy the pitt.

Billy the pitt is more than loyal to his owner.

Eats all the insects so his owner doesn’t have to freak out and kill them.  Pees and poops only outside,  like a dog should. Basically Billy the pitt does everything his owner asks of him if not more.

Billy’s owner has been telling him to stop eating all the creepy crawling things because he’s got it.  But every time Billy turns around,  there’s more and more bugs.

Billy has not eaten any bugs in almost a year.  He’s waiting on his owners word that he’ll step in and do his job like he said he will and take care of the problem,  but he’s not.

Billy’s owner reminds him of all the things he has to do before he can kill all the bugs and that he’s almost there but Billy is not sure.

Billy the pitt is started to get flees and stuff like that and although Billy can take care of himself he is  still  Reliant on his owner.

Lastly,  Billy sees everything his owner goes through and how close he is to being able to do what he said he will do but at the same time Billy the Pitt just wants to take matters into his own hands.

What should Billy do?  Continue to wait on his owner or take care of it himself?

 

Billy honestly needs  an answer.

 

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Let’s be friends!

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Happy new year

screenshot_2017-01-01-19-11-392Why after every 365 days we all count down to the exact second that’s its the supposed ‘happy new year’?

Why do we always assume it’s gonna be happy new year?

Call me pessimistic but for the last 3,650 days all I see people say on social media is how bad the late 365 days was and how great they’re gonna Make the next ones.

Why Pre-plan?

Yes!

Of course go into the new 365 days with a freakn positive attitude.

But not this overwhelming predictction of what the next 365 days  will look like!

Cause obviously that’s exactly  what you did 365 days ago and you’re saying the same things.  So change it up! (in hopes it won’t be the same)

 

But yea folks be glad you made it to another 365 days!

 

 

 

Let’s be friends!

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