22 Things I learned at 22 Years Old (Warning, This is Dark)

1. Nobody cares

No one cares that you cant find a job, or that your anixtey levels has reached its limits and that you think you may have a heart condition now. They don’t care about it so much right now, but they will once your lying in a hospital bed or in your shallow caseket. And thats fine. Because you don’t care that you’re best friend’s son got held back for the 2nd time and wont graduate high school with his class. All it does is just makes for good conversation.

2. Stop Caring

The worst thing that could happen to me in any situtation is one of two things, someone can kidnap me, or someone can kill me. But if I wanted to Wear a wig to my dad’s wedding in the smoldering heat im sure neither of those things would have happened. So next time I won’t think about what other’s are thinking and I’ll do “Whatever the hell I want! (well, to a certain extent). If Jesus isn’t gonna shame me for it then neither will I.

3. Just Do It

Time waits for no man! Procrastin is a mother! like literally, Procrastination’s child is Lazines. In order for procrastination to be born there has to be a ridiclous excuse that you assemble that makes you wait until the following time or day to do it. But for lazines to arrive at your doorstep means that you have  had to come up with an ubsurd reason as to why you shouldn’t do something which will then lead to regret. And in my old age. i sure as hell dont wanna regret anything, so I might as well do it while my heart is still somewhat healthy.

4. Money can buy my happiness

To a young woman who owes a woping 8,368 dollars in health care and student loans, i’d like to say that for me, money can buy me happiness. If i had money i could pay off my debts, buy some land and build my dream house and that would make me hella happy. I could buy my g wagon start my three dream businesses and be happy. But because Money is the root of all evil I’ve subconcincously been afraid of money. Been afraid of making too much because you know, we shouldn’t store up treasures where theives come in and steal. But in my 22 years of living I’ve learned happiness is temporary. which brings me to number 5.

5. Joy is the key to true being at true ease.  and its also the key To be at total peace with myself and my life.

6. leave if you got what you need. wait no scratch that. Thats just a song by Jesse Rutherford but um. Long suffering is good because after all that suffering there is a light at the end of a terd hall. Jesus went through long suffering and made it out alright. I should too.

7. People can be temporay. Anyone can change the moment their lives are greatly impacted and therefore they may not be the person you fell in love with or they might not laugh at the same jokes anymore. Some things are meant to be seasonal and others, a lifetime

8. Turn The Other Cheek.

Who really wants a blood bath? You know I got hands and I know you got hands, there’s no sense in continusley name calling someone in an argument or anything that is tit for tat related. its a waste of time, and things are said and done that will soon be regreted. So just take the L, take the crap that a person is calling you and don’t fight back. You won’t win. Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.

9. Everyone is not really and truly and completely your friend.

Some people are there for you when they need something but there is no way you would be able to sleep at her house after you and your bf broke up for the thousandth time. If she was really your friend she would have told you that you deserve better.

10. If planned parenthood was actually planned you wouldn’t actually have to go to a clinic called planned parenthood to take care of your arising parenthood because you would have not have or you would have had your man where a condom. They really contradicted themselves because truly if your parenthood was planned you wouldn’t be going into that place to take away your parenthood and an unborn child’s life.

11. There Is a Spirtrual warfare

Some days I would think about things. And then I would think about why I would think about those particular things. And then one day i’d seen a demonic entity sit criscross apple sauce a few inches away from my bed. He was looking at me and i was looking at him but he didnt know i wasw looking at him you know why? Because God played a video of that in my head and showed me what the enemy’s plan was for me and he showed me how I was pleasing him in the path which I were in.

12. Anxiety will make u do  some strange things.

some days I will sit at my computer desk, or sit in the living room, or I’ll even be eating with one hand and the other will be searching my scalp for the biggest moutain of dandruff to peel off. The feeling of when I finally found a good one makes me feel like so fullfilled I do hours upon hours to get that same fufillment. I know. It’s the most disgusting thing I could be a addicted to but its a symptom of anxiety and I’m working on it. Sooner or later I’m just gonna have to buy a dog cone.

13. the truth well set you free

The longer you struggle with taking money from your’s mama’s purse the worse it;ll become. You can say you’re gonna stop and work on yourself but it won’t be truely fixed until you tell the truth and shame the devil.

14. theres something in the water.

15. Hollywood Movies Are Trying To Tell Us Something.

How many movies have we seen about the city of Los Angeles and New York City being destroyed? How many movies have we seen about the government lying to us and doing something disgusting to its people.

16. Write it down

Damn it! what was the number of the woman who wanted her dog walked? I should have written it down! shoot! I’m at the grocery store now, but i can’t remember what I was supossed to get for dinner. dang it! I keep on forgetting to buy midol for my menstrual cramps. that darn Cheyenne.

17. Treat Yo self.

Nothing feels better than purchasing royal blue coffins as nails, skipping leg day, and eating a whole cheese cake with a side of oreo cookies. And lets not forget a long over due online shopping spree. It’s getting cold as a witch’s titty outside and I don’t have any winter clothes?

18. Be yo self

Don’t pretend to like someone just because you feel bad for them or you feel as though it is the right thing to do. And don’t be friends with someone because someone is pressuring you. in the long run you both are going to be hurt and again, will have regreted the time wasted.

19. Jog at least once a day.

excersise, espcially with in the first few hours upon waking up decrease’s your anxitey levels and overall plants the stressless seed for the day.

20. Pray hard

Pray in the good, pray in the bad, pray just to talk to God and you will see a great transforamtion. Just don’t pray and worry. And make sure you listen after you pray.

21. Be 100% real

Not just with other ppl, but yourself. If you don’t want to do something but you’re scared its gonna hurt them.. chances are.. either the person cares about you and dosesn’t want you to be hurt, or the person is a bit selfish. You only have one life to live and why live it worried about other people all the time when whole time they an’t even worried about what chu worried about!!

22. Always have Theraflu on deck

As soon as you feel a cold coming in pop in a packet of theraflu in some water you should be be completley fine two days.

 

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The Truth About Fake News

We’ve been getting fed artifctial flavors for decades and dying from them

And yet there’s a friggin cure for cancer.

But what or who is the true cancer in the midst of 7.3 billon ppl?

What prompted you to by that anti aging cream today?

A commercial Perhaps? A commerical which infact has scripts. A commercal which is basically fake right?

So what the hell do you think it was that made you vote for … whoever you wanted your president to be?

What is TV on this earth for? Entertainment right? So shouldn’t everything that we see on there be entertainment? And made up? And fake?

So what the hell do you think entertainment is on this earth for? Entertainment being, social media, Youtube, Sports, etc.

Distraction

“All the world’s a stage and all the men and women are merely players They have their exits and their entrances”

I had to memorize that speech in 8th grade. I freakn wonder why.

And so the truth about fake news is just that.

All the worlds a stage.

 

 

 

I AM CHY

She was only thinking of him and them together.

Nothing went with out saying.

Everything had to be said.

But not talking was better because if she had she would just throw up.

Why stay mad ? Even if it was a fake madness.

Which it was, because two minutes of complete slience he went over and held her while he was on his knees and expressed his understanding about how his fiance was really feeling.18252537_208754542963622_6752547844764205056_n

Your Thoughts Can Be Your Worst Enemy

What if the thing I’ve been overthinking is what I actually think it is.

But what if it isn’t?

And why the hell am I thinking about it so much?

I dont want to down play what I’m feeling but at the same time I dont want to cause an argument .

I’m trying to stay vigiliant.

Just keeping my eyes open to things I may not be able to see because of wonderful circumstances.

But what if in the process I do real damage.

So many things have made me this way and its the most unattractive way a person can be.

But I just can’t help myself. Is it true? Is it not true?

I can’t let what has happened before happen again. I mean that was the whole reason I went through it all. Learn from it and prevent it from happening again.

 

Baby Came Home (Part One)

Cigarette smoke clouded the black and white room as Ben sat in his desk chair. He planted it toward the middle of the living room facing the front door.  Liza had been in Miami with her girlfriends just for the weekend. So Ben thought. It was already Wednesday and there hadn’t even been a kissie face emoji sent to Ben’s phone from his girlfriend of two years. By the looks of instagram he had a slight feeling that Liza was well. But What about the two of them?  Ben was about to find out that the love of his life would soon be the next one to break his heart.

As a key slammed into the lock, Ben sat there sliding off the leather chair, opening and closing the black velvet ring box he was going to surprise Liza with.

Liza busted open the front door and rushed to the back room.

Ben was still staring at the half-opened door, wondering if he had been invisible. He tried to come up with some reason why she could be mad at him but he couldn’t come up with anything. Maybe the fact that he was wearing a dirty white beater and the apartment looked like a tornado ran through it. But how would she know? They hadn’t face timed in almost a week.  Running out of reasons, Ben rose up and peaked outside the door to see no suitcases or luggage  that should have been there,  given the fact that she just came back from a vacation. Odd. He thought. Gradually making his way into the back room he could hear Liza shuffling around and rummaging through drawers.

“Baby what’s going on?” He said softly, unsure he really wanted to know the answer.

She said nothing.

Ben walked closer to her and gently placed his hand on her back. He could smell the apple frutcis shampoo in her hair that she always used. He missed that smell so much. He missed her so much.

“Liza can we talk?” Ben tried again but she cut him off.

“Benjamin”, she sighed. “Leave me alone”.

He stood there frozen. Was she really leaving him? After two years of more ups than downs? After all the things they had seen and experienced together? But why? His eyes were glossy and drooped down almost as low as the corners of his lips. And then he snapped out of it.

“Liza! why are you putting your things into these bags? Where are you going? Where are the bags you took with you to Miami? You just gonna pick up and leave and not talk to me? like I’m no one? Did you find someone else? Did someone tell you something about me? I’m pretty sure it’s not true. Liza please just talk to me before you walk out of this apartment , our apartment. Tell me what I did. Tell me what I can do to make it right”. The words were spilling out of his mouth so fast, he hadn’t realized how many questions he just asked.

“Nothing. I’m leaving this town”. She said dryly as she paused with her back still facing him, looking at the room as if it were some disgusting habitat that she wanted no part of. “I need some time to explore”. Making absolutely no eye contact with Ben, she got up grabbed her bags and left the apartment. Ben followed close behind her and said nothing. So many things he wanted to say flew into his mind and crashed the part of his brain that made him speak.

Liza disappeared into the flickering hallway that led to the elevator. Never looking back.

Ben stood leaning out of the doorway holding the ring box with two fingers, aimlessly watching Liza fade away.

 

 

 

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Maybe

 

We’re living in a fantasy world

yes its true.

people can not be that cruel

for every evil, there’s a love

therefore we do not need what is up above

we can save ourselves by ourselves.

Tv, will give us real life situations and we’ll think they’re answers to our real life problems

instagram will tell us to be hotter or skinnier

so we eat air and crowd our face with with colorful acne boosters

that’s how we save ourselves.

But see that only works but so much.

deep down will be this depression, oppression and suppression

deep down we will feel hindered from true happiness. peace and joy.

And thats when we should realize that the world really IS that cruel

and our people are not really that true.

yea, in this flat world, there is a lot of love,

but we actually do need Him to save us, Him up above.

maybe you live in a fantasy world, but I don’t.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Worry

Why do I worry about what people think so much?

Why did I hesitate to wear a wig to a wedding? (Because I had seen the guests before hand and I didn’t want to weird them out)

But why do I care if I weird people out? who’s to say that’ll even happen?

If I want to do something why don’t I Just do it?

What is it about other people whom I don’t even know that makes me care about their opinions?

why seek approval from complete strangers?

I guess I’m just afraid of looking like a joke.

But I’m pretty sure no one is going to look at me as a joke. Except for me. Which is twisted.

Why am I my worst enemy?

How do I not love my own skin that I am in?

What happened to the confident elementry school girl who rose her hand for every answer in class even when they were wrong?

That girl got made fun of for having a flat chest once she hit 7th grade.

That girl was told by a fellow classmate that the acne on her face looked like several different worlds and planets on her face.

That girl started staying in the shadows trying hard not to be seen like an abused kid making little to no movement the abuser was around.

So why worry?

So the abuse won’t srart again.

 

Time Doesn’t Love You

screenshot_2017-01-04-15-05-512And as you stand there, on the cold tile floor looking at your immaculate reflection in the misty mirror,  I see your smile slowly start to dissappear as your reflection becomes more clear.

I know what you are thinking.  Another birthday has gone by,  you won’t look as good as me.

Baby I don’t care. The way you smell rocks my world. That’s what attracted me to you in the first place. Had I seen you in my human life I would have admired your perfect jaw line and bone structure. Or maybe the way your curly chocolate hair lays on your broad shoulders.  Oh I could go on.  My point is,  all i am really attracted to,  besides your wonderful personality of course is your scent. Of course, if I turn you,  there will be no reason to love you.

I’m tired of seeing perfect looking 200year Olds.  I think crows feet at the corners of the eyes are super hot.  I want you to have wrinkles.

Can’t you see? Time isn’t on your side baby but I am.

I will never leave you. Your human life is something that is so beautiful and sweet to me. I cherish it. You are literally my human other half.  You’re everything I am not. If you think I will be come less attracted to you as the decades go by then think again. I can’t wait to be by your side when life throws you lemons. All I have to do is Suck the sour juice out and your pain is forever gone. So,  for me baby,  please don’t make me turn you.

You Love The Maddnesss 

They do bad things for money,  yet you extend your home to them. 

Their little ones don’t come from your womb,  you do them a favor

They cuss you out,  steal your personal belongings,  and yet you extend your house hold

You love the madness 

You with 3 little ones against 3 heart killers 

Everyday something new,  new heartbreak,  new name calling but yet you extend your house hold 

You love the maddness

There was a death scare then a betrayal right after.  4 hours of being afraid and sadness and 12 more hours of rage and anger and  deceit. 

Still you extend your household,  you love the Maddnesss. 

You  love the Maddnesss because if you didn’t,  you wouldn’t extend your home to name callers and slanderers .  thieves and liars.  Deceivers and other family members. 

If you don’t mind stretching out your lungs to the fullest everytime one of the people get mad then OK.  Sure.  Extend your home.  You don’t mind it,  you love it. 

If you don’t mind getting blamed for things of the past day after day for weeks on end then OK.  Sure. Extend your home. You don’t mind it,  you love it. 

If you don’t mind crying yourself dry whenever one of those people gets a negative answer from you then OK.  Sure.  Extend your home you don’t mind it you love it. 

Just know that when  you’re actually over the situation and you’re actually done with the wackiness that I’ll never know because I know you love the maddness. 

Kill My Darling 

He had been drinking too much. He thought he’d celebrate because the campaign he had been working on the past 2 years had actually won! Dwayne, The Rock, Johnson was finally president of the United States. 

Let’s be honest, The rock didn’t win fair and square, He dug up some dirt on the other candidate and that’s the real reason he won.

The other candidate had A dirty past. We won’t get into the details of that but let’s just say if anybody knew that HE knew he would be dead. 

This was one of my husbands biggest accomplishments and I was so excited for him. We’ve been celebrating on a cruise in the Bahamas. One night I go out into the pool  while my husband is taking a shower in our room and a tall white man in an all black suit pulled me over to the side.  He asked me if I had been married. He asked me if I loved him. He asked me if I knew anything about the other candidate. He asked me if my husband knew. He also is wearing dark black sunglasses and after each question he asked me his eyes scanned my eyes and somehow he could tell I was lying. He pulled a gun out and asked me if I knew anything about the candidate once again I told him no . And once again he asked me if my husband knew about the other candidate and then I told him no again. He told me that he knew I was lying and asked me for my life or my husband’s life. I told him I was pregnant but he shouldn’t kill my husband either. But he killed my darling anyway.